So I recently posted this journal: Should I not draw anymore?
and got various responses from you guys, telling me that I definitely shouldn't quit. Which I am very grateful for....much love to you guys
However, there were some responses that are prompting me to post this journal as a response. Or rather, an explanation of sorts.
So let me just say this upfront:
I do, in fact, draw because I have fun doing it. I am very happy to draw and very passionate about it. I don't do it for the sake of others. It makes me happy that it (potentially) makes others happy. But I don't do it just to get peoples' attention. Positive response from anyone is considered, to me, a reassurance that my passion and hard work had paid off in the end.
The linked journal above was created because I was feeling very upset and almost defeated by how much more of a response I was getting on the things that required less effort on my part to do.
I mainly created that journal, however, to address something that was weighing on my mind. I knew it was irrational to think, but it was there, lingering in my head, and it was going to linger there unless I expressed it upfront. And I'd rather share those thoughts with you guys than to continue to think irrationally.
In a way, it was also a means to have rational opinions combat my own irrational ones. I never intended to make people think that I was only doing it to gain attention. No.....since the beginning, I've always tried to do it for myself.
In fact, this is a big part of why I stopped doing requests a long time ago. Because it didn't feel like my own work.....I just felt completely empty doing it. If I wanted to draw someone else's character or idea, I'd always ask their permission because I was excited to see how it turned out in my own version. When I acted upon a request from someone else, I didn't feel happy for quite a few reasons:1.
They would always get angry at me for not doing it in the amount of time I gave to them or that they expected me to do it. (Not everyone was like this, mind you, but there were just enough to warrant me to halt requests altogether).2.
Whenever I finished, they were usually never happy with the result or pressured me to "try it again" as it didn't quite fit their criteria. (Again, not everyone that requested something of me did this. But this response from those who actually did genuinely made me upset and angry, and I never liked feeling that way). 3.
I felt as though I had no identity of my own in doing so.4.
Requests ultimately halted anything that I truly wanted to draw from my own imagination. While it presented a challenge to complete the requests, it still diminished my passion for drawing and even gave me quite a severe case of artist's block.
I'll just stop at four reasons, considering this journal is quite a long enough explanation as it is. I just wanted to give a little insight as to what runs through my mind as well as my reasoning for doing some of the things I do.
Anyways, I hope you guys can understand where I am coming from, and hopefully, I cleared up some misunderstandings.
Thank you all so much for believing in me and for being there for me when I needed you guys most. Much love
And as always, take care guys